Insurance Jokes

1. A man asks his insurance agent: “How much will I get, if I insure my house for $500,000, and it burns down tomorrow?”
The insurance agent: “10 years “.

2. An actuary, an underwriter and an insurance agent are driving in a car. The insurance agent holds the gas pedal; the underwriter – steps on the brake; and the actuary – is looking in the back mirror, and tells them where to go.

3. A group of tourists are on a tour of a Grand Canyon.
The tour-guide asks: “Can anyone tell me how old the Canyon is?”
Everyone is quite.
An actuary raises his hand and says: “1 million and three years”.
The tour-guide asks with astonishment: “Wow! How do you know so exactly?”
The actuary answers: “I was here three years ago, and you said the Canyon is million years”.

4. Because he alone was supporting his parents, Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Billy Lees was once advised to purchase some life insurance. “They wouldn’t need it,” Billy replied. “If anything happened to me, it would kill ‘em!”

5. Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

6. Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn´t there the first time, chances are you won´t be needing it again.

7. A life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died.
This was his client´s startling answer. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

8. Last week I bought a retirement policy. All I´ve got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.

9. I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.

10. Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

11. A man is walking down the street smoking, drinking bourbon and swearing to himself.
A preacher came over to him and dressed him down good. He finished with “I´m 64 years old and I have never smoked, drank or swore!”
The man replied “Yes, and you have never sold insurance either!”

12. With all of today´s attractive accident insurance policies, a man can´t afford to die a natural death.

13. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

14. The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”
“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

15. “Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?” the life insurance salesman asked his client.
“What do you mean?” countered the woman.
“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.
The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”

16. An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek.
The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.
The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.
The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him.
The underwriter is thinking: I can´t wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!

17. Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don´t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

18. Sad but true: One day when I was a new agent, I received a phone call from a lady saying that unfortunately she had to cancel her husband´s life insurance policy. “We always paid it in time”, she said, “but since my dear husband´s sudden death last year I have had some financial hardship; therefore, I cannot pay it anymore.”I had the claim processed.

19. An insurance agent won a trip to Mexico City. Now he is trying to win a trip back home.

Why Need Life Insurance?

Why do people need life insurance? Do I need life insurance? It’s a question that everyone asks him/herself at least once… How much am I worth? Or what’s the value of my life? Of course, life is priceless! But… Everyone thinks of the future, or what’s going to happen to me when I get old, or what’s going to happen to the people I love, if I die?

“Yes, death is inevitable, and we all will be there. But that is only half of the problem. The worth part is that the death is sudden, and that’s the trick” – one of Dostoyevsky’s heroes wisely noticed. Of course, one of the main purposes of life insurance is to protect your family, for your loved ones to have some financial security, when you are gone.

Death is the worst case scenario though. More often life insurance is used for saving purposes. People have been using the accumulated money for a wedding, children’s education, retirement, or any other reasons.

Besides that, you can insure yourself from losing a job in case of disability, or disease. You can receive income, when you are not able to work.

Life is vulnerable, and everyone can get in a critical situation or circumstances, where neither mind, nor bodyguards, nor great physical training will help. The only thing that you can do to provide yourself with a peace of mind, or to ease the fateful consequences – is life insurance.

Affordable Life Insurance

Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we lived in an ideal world? Where nobody had to worry about Life Insurance? This, alas, is not possible, and people do have to worry about how to pay for insurance when the life insurance rates are so high. Not everyone in our technological world can afford Life Insurance. As you begin to approach your 60s, that is the retirement age for many jobs, you suffer from increased stress and want a Life Insurance policy to cover your Life Insurance and death benefits.

Now – you can apply for Life Insurance programs by researching into some of the most affordable Life Insurance policies prevalent in the world.

One of the easy and fast ways to obtain Affordable Life Insurance is through e-quote – “online quote”.  E-Quote simplifies the process of Life Insurance by allowing you to get the most competitive Term life Insurance quotes only from the highest rated insurance companies. After submitting the online form, your quotes will be displayed along with the product and company information they represent. This allows you to research all the product information as well as to access the company’s AM Best grade. After you apply online, they will mail you an application packet. With this you can review all the information that is listed, correct any errors, sign the application and mail all the information back to them in the pre-addressed envelope that is provided to you.

After they receive your packet, they will conduct your medical examination. This exam is at no cost and will be conducted in the privacy of your home and at a time that is convenient to you. The Examiner will take your blood pressure, heart rate, blood sample, and a urine sample and ask you some medical questions. The exam will take at most 20 minutes and there is no need to disrobe. After the medical results are reviewed by the Insurance Company, they will issue a written quote for your coverage. Now it is your choice to decide if you want the Insurance Coverage or not.

It can help you find the best affordable Life Insurance Coverage for your life and death. So, in this arena of Life Insurance, you can also benefit from Affordable life Insurance and need not worry.

Low cost life insurance tailored to meet your needs

We have learned that each client’s needs are different and each requires special attention. In particular we have found that people with health issues require even greater attention to detail and a level of personal service that you just can’t find by instant quotes on the Internet.

Excalibur Brokerage Agency, Inc.
1648 Route 130 North Suite 2
North Brunswick, NJ 08902
800-652-9923
732-297-6000
fax 732-297-6668
Email us: info@excaliburbrokerage.com

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