Insurance Jokes

1. A man asks his insurance agent: “How much will I get, if I insure my house for $500,000, and it burns down tomorrow?”
The insurance agent: “10 years “.

2. An actuary, an underwriter and an insurance agent are driving in a car. The insurance agent holds the gas pedal; the underwriter – steps on the brake; and the actuary – is looking in the back mirror, and tells them where to go.

3. A group of tourists are on a tour of a Grand Canyon.
The tour-guide asks: “Can anyone tell me how old the Canyon is?”
Everyone is quite.
An actuary raises his hand and says: “1 million and three years”.
The tour-guide asks with astonishment: “Wow! How do you know so exactly?”
The actuary answers: “I was here three years ago, and you said the Canyon is million years”.

4. Because he alone was supporting his parents, Los Angeles Dodgers pitcher Billy Lees was once advised to purchase some life insurance. “They wouldn’t need it,” Billy replied. “If anything happened to me, it would kill ‘em!”

5. Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

6. Needing insurance is like needing a parachute. If it isn´t there the first time, chances are you won´t be needing it again.

7. A life insurance agent was completing an application and got to the part on health history. He asked his client how his grandfather died.
This was his client´s startling answer. “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.”

8. Last week I bought a retirement policy. All I´ve got to do is keep up the payments for 15 years and my agent can retire.

9. I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.

10. Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

11. A man is walking down the street smoking, drinking bourbon and swearing to himself.
A preacher came over to him and dressed him down good. He finished with “I´m 64 years old and I have never smoked, drank or swore!”
The man replied “Yes, and you have never sold insurance either!”

12. With all of today´s attractive accident insurance policies, a man can´t afford to die a natural death.

13. Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home.

14. The seven-year old girl told her mom, “A boy in my class asked me to play doctor.”
“Oh, dear,” the mother nervously sighed. “What happened, honey?”
“Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the insurance company.”

15. “Do you know the present value of your husband´s policy?” the life insurance salesman asked his client.
“What do you mean?” countered the woman.
“If you should lose your husband, what would you get?” asked the salesman.
The woman thought a minute, then brightened up and said, “Probably a poodle.”

16. An underwriter, an insurance agent, an old lady and a beautiful blonde find themselves together on a train. The train passes through a tunnel and in the darkness a loud slap is heard. When out of the tunnel and in the light, they see that the insurance agent has a red five finger mark on his cheek.
The blonde is thinking: the insurance agent must have tried to grope me in the dark and mistakenly groped the old lady, so she slapped him.
The old lady is thinking: that guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped him.
The insurance agent is thinking: the underwriter must have groped the blonde in the dark and she mistakenly slapped me instead of him.
The underwriter is thinking: I can´t wait for the next tunnel so I can slap that damn insurance agent again!!!

17. Life insurance agent to would-be client: “Don´t let me frighten you into a hasty decision. Sleep on it tonight. If you wake in the morning, give me a call then and let me know.”

18. Sad but true: One day when I was a new agent, I received a phone call from a lady saying that unfortunately she had to cancel her husband´s life insurance policy. “We always paid it in time”, she said, “but since my dear husband´s sudden death last year I have had some financial hardship; therefore, I cannot pay it anymore.”I had the claim processed.

19. An insurance agent won a trip to Mexico City. Now he is trying to win a trip back home.

Why Need Life Insurance?

Why do people need life insurance? Do I need life insurance? It’s a question that everyone asks him/herself at least once… How much am I worth? Or what’s the value of my life? Of course, life is priceless! But… Everyone thinks of the future, or what’s going to happen to me when I get old, or what’s going to happen to the people I love, if I die?

“Yes, death is inevitable, and we all will be there. But that is only half of the problem. The worth part is that the death is sudden, and that’s the trick” – one of Dostoyevsky’s heroes wisely noticed. Of course, one of the main purposes of life insurance is to protect your family, for your loved ones to have some financial security, when you are gone.

Death is the worst case scenario though. More often life insurance is used for saving purposes. People have been using the accumulated money for a wedding, children’s education, retirement, or any other reasons.

Besides that, you can insure yourself from losing a job in case of disability, or disease. You can receive income, when you are not able to work.

Life is vulnerable, and everyone can get in a critical situation or circumstances, where neither mind, nor bodyguards, nor great physical training will help. The only thing that you can do to provide yourself with a peace of mind, or to ease the fateful consequences – is life insurance.

Term Life Insurance Quote

Term life insurance is defined as a life insurance policy which offers a benefit set before upon the death of the holder, given that the demise occurs within a definite précised time period. This policy is only obliged to provide the stated benefits and no returns beyond that, unlike the insurance policy. An insurance policy provides gains over and above the specified benefits and also permits the investors to contribute in returns from the insurance company’s asset portfolio.

On the other hand, the policy of Term life Insurance is for a certain period of time. You can select the number of years for the coverage of the policy, for instance 1, 5, 10, 15, 20, etc on relying on the insurance company.

How does Term Life Insurance Works?

Term life insurance is a temporary policy, which is if you are paying for a 10 year policy; it is only obliged to serve you for 10 years and nothing more than that.

A basic Term life insurance policy assures fixed premiums. This implies that the size of payment which you have to pay to the Life insurance Company stays the same over the useful life of the Term life insurance. The owner of the policy is liable to pay the fees at equal periods of time that may be monthly, quarterly, semi yearly, or yearly according to the Company and its policies. Moreover, the payments are to be of equal amounts.

The owner of the policy can cease the payments at no cost at any time he or she wants to. If, however, the owner stop paying the insurance company, the Life insurance Company is not really responsible to pay the benefit at death.

A customary Term Life Insurance Policy also assures a fixed death benefit. This indicates that death benefit is of a specified amount in spite of for how long the policy was in continuity. The insurance Company is accountable to pay the same amount of money if person dies on the first day of the policy or at the last day of the coverage.

Cheap Life Insurance

With the emerging technologies and globalization prices of the basic necessities of life have begun to touch the skies. However, the prices of life insurance plans are decreasing! This is great news: it’s become easier today for everyone to protect the family in terms of life insurance. Not only have life insurance companies been lowering the insurance rates, they are also making it easier for people to buy life insurance from the underwriting point of view: they become more aggressive and look at everyone individually. Some insurance companies also use preferred credits: they lower insurance cost for those who exercise, or regularly follow-up with doctors, have good family history, etc.

Today, the process of finding a life insurance policy has become so simple, that anyone can do it from their own home, using the internet. You can research into all the life insurance types, companies, and even rates, and find the most appropriate one for YOU! The online search engines show most of the insurance rates in the industry: you will be able to see from the cheapest and up, and make your decision based on the insurance cost, the rating of the insurance company, or the features of this or that insurance product.

To do so you need to follow certain steps:

Step 1: You should take advantage of discounts by improving your overall health: quit smoking, start exercising, and lead a healthy life-style.

Step2: Reviewing your employer’s life insurance plan is important, as most of the time the employer’s package only provides minimum, basic coverage. After you have done this, you may want to think of buying an additional life insurance policy, which would cover everything else.

Step 3: Get knowledge before acting: you can find a lot of information about different types of insurance on-line, or you may get a FREE consultation with an insurance agent or broker over the phone or in person.  Understanding your needs and specifications of insurance products, should help you make the right decision.

Step 4: Lastly, compare multiple companies’ quotes. By doing so, your chances of finding lower rates are enhanced, because rates always vary between companies. It also gives you a level playing field. By this you can see what is cheap and what is expensive. In most cases an insurance company suitable for one person might not be the best choice for the other, as different insurance companies look differently at various issues: for example – one insurance carrier would rather take a risk on a person with diabetes, the other – would not consider a “diabetes” case, but would take a “poor family history” one.  Accordingly, they give lower or higher insurance costs.

In today’s world, where everything is so expensive and not easy to buy, finding a cheap life insurance policy is not at all difficult. The steps described above can aid you in finding the most suitable and inexpensive insurance policy you wish to buy.

 

Affordable Life Insurance

Wouldn’t it be beautiful if we lived in an ideal world? Where nobody had to worry about Life Insurance? This, alas, is not possible, and people do have to worry about how to pay for insurance when the life insurance rates are so high. Not everyone in our technological world can afford Life Insurance. As you begin to approach your 60s, that is the retirement age for many jobs, you suffer from increased stress and want a Life Insurance policy to cover your Life Insurance and death benefits.

Now – you can apply for Life Insurance programs by researching into some of the most affordable Life Insurance policies prevalent in the world.

One of the easy and fast ways to obtain Affordable Life Insurance is through e-quote – “online quote”.  E-Quote simplifies the process of Life Insurance by allowing you to get the most competitive Term life Insurance quotes only from the highest rated insurance companies. After submitting the online form, your quotes will be displayed along with the product and company information they represent. This allows you to research all the product information as well as to access the company’s AM Best grade. After you apply online, they will mail you an application packet. With this you can review all the information that is listed, correct any errors, sign the application and mail all the information back to them in the pre-addressed envelope that is provided to you.

After they receive your packet, they will conduct your medical examination. This exam is at no cost and will be conducted in the privacy of your home and at a time that is convenient to you. The Examiner will take your blood pressure, heart rate, blood sample, and a urine sample and ask you some medical questions. The exam will take at most 20 minutes and there is no need to disrobe. After the medical results are reviewed by the Insurance Company, they will issue a written quote for your coverage. Now it is your choice to decide if you want the Insurance Coverage or not.

It can help you find the best affordable Life Insurance Coverage for your life and death. So, in this arena of Life Insurance, you can also benefit from Affordable life Insurance and need not worry.

Low cost life insurance tailored to meet your needs

We have learned that each client’s needs are different and each requires special attention. In particular we have found that people with health issues require even greater attention to detail and a level of personal service that you just can’t find by instant quotes on the Internet.

Excalibur Brokerage Agency, Inc.
1648 Route 130 North Suite 2
North Brunswick, NJ 08902
800-652-9923
732-297-6000
fax 732-297-6668
Email us: info@excaliburbrokerage.com

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